romance

i believe that you can write a story from
an outline
i just believe it.

and then you change the outline as you go along.

girl gets up
she eats breakfast
washes
goes to the bathroom
brushes her teeth
showers

girl goes to the kitchen
she's not alone
her brother is there
he is eating his cornflakes
he's 16
she's 18

she's going to law school
he's still in high school

they converse
she gets up to get
dressed
he is already dressed
he leaves with his books
and she gets dressed

the phone rings.
she lets the answering machine get it.
it's her mom
call her later.

she gets to the door
grabs her bag
and is on the way out when the phone rings again.

she hesitates
and then closes the door.

takes the train
notices all the people
she's holding on to the pole
the train is crowded
some jerk is standing behind her
rubbing her buttocks
if he doesn't stop
she is going to scream
degenerate she says out loud

she let it slip out
not a face moved
not a recognizable twinge of a face
that she had something

they knew
they all knew
fuck them

she moved her head to the side
and gave the guy behind her a dirty look
he never blinked an eye
but got off the next stop

degenerate she said aloud
not caring who heard her
god damn degenerate.

she was fuming inside
what was the matter with all these
goddamn people that they never blinked
an eye
never made a facial gesture
they knew what went on every morning on the
goddamn train
yet not one of them had the decency to do anything
nothing
nada.

her stop came
and she let go of the pole
and stepped on to the subway platform
people were milling around
and she breathed in deep and smelled the
dirtiness and the urine from the night
before.

good old new york
here we go again.