blah day

it's 12:26 and i am in the library.

did my cp for an hour
read awareness, dimello, twenty minutes.

had cereal for breakfast.

to do list.
all of the above.

1. write.
2. pick up jamie
3. call the dentist
4. print out transcript
and mail it.
5. call the freelance agency

thoughts.

put my money into paying off my credit cards
and my taxes for this year.
1. would like to order rosetta stone spanish
2. would like to do more knitting.
3. since i am not going to ecaudor until 2012
see if i can do that formation program for teaching
cp.
4. want to go to david frentte's course at graymore.

thoughts
1. where does letting go lead you.
2. reality and abstract.
3. reality is a mystery.
4. god is mystery.
5. creation is mystery.
6. people are mystery.

you can only put all of the above in an abstract
you never fully - impossible to capture the reality
and when you go beyond the reality to explain that
i don't even know what you call that
putting mystery into words, maybe, you could call
it that.

what i think.

two worlds exist at the same time.
one i see
the other i don't
i think i believe that.

i think i used to think that in make believe
but now i think i believe it
which is kind of exciting
and mysterious
challenging
wonderful
amazement

that may be what the magic rock was all about.

why do i write
i like putting things together
i like going beyond what exists in your face
that's why i am like a detective sometimes.

people stop at a period. they don't see the
next paragraph because it's not there. i go
beyond the period and write the next paragraph.
that's interesting doris.

i love plain stories
i just love them

chekhov's stories are plain
people read them and say what's the point
what's the punchline

well, you know sometimes the punchline is obvious
other times it isn't.
but who cares.
these things happen
and he writes them.
and i like them.

like the leaf on a tree.
there is this big tree outside of my window.
and i mean big.

but it's bare
all you can see are the naked branches.
what's the sense of that you ask
a tree
a bare tree.

the tree is ten feet tall
it's an oak you think

upon closer viewing
you see one leaf

one leaf three quarters of the way up the tree

it's just there
a breeze comes along and it quivers.

then there is a stillness
and the leaf hovers there
you look a little closer and it seems to tremble

tremble
what does that mean
you associate the word tremble with the word scare.

scare
what does a leaf have to be scared of.
a leaf indeed.

one leaf on a tree
shivering

you almost feel sorry for it.

well, i am not going to feel sorry for a leaf you say
why not, says my inner brain.

well, because i am just not.

now, it is just you and the leaf
the tree is the backdrop
the leaf is 3d.

a breath of air comes and the branch shakes and
the leaf loosens its grip and it is pulled
from the branch by an unseen force.
the leaf begins its journey downward
downward downward
and you watch it fall
floating in a zigzag motion until it hits the earth.

but it just doesn't fall to the earth
there are a pile of leaves waiting for it
gently it lands atop the others

and the wind picks up and makes a swirling motion
until all of the leaves are doing a dance
they go around in a circle
they go every which way
until the leaf that fell
is unrecognizable
lost in the maze of its own kind
one with the others
one with what you now recognize is the reality of leaf.

you are watching
this thing called life hits you hard
you blink
and it is over.

time is 12:51.