where am i

we know about the ego
we know about the true self

the ego is the false self that we show to
the world
not necessarily all the time
but sometimes

the true self is the self that we show
to the world
not necessarily all the time
but sometimes

let's see
my destiny
my calling
my self at this time
is where i am at this time

if and when circumstances change
and my life changes
i will change

control
security
affection

control of my family, money, people's lives, my job
versus no control
which makes no sense
maybe control to a degree
hmm
acting from the true self then what
life will change
i don't think so

sometimes true self
meets true self

the better self
the true self
the kinder self

let's see
do i let go at work
say there is a medical malpractice monday
not set up my machine
and set up for the trial
and see if someone else will set up

letting go
what does letting go mean in this regard
letting go of doing, letting go of making money
letting go of control - i may just do that.

let's see letting go of jaime
means letting go of worry
there is a kind of hovering there
you hover in the background to keep things
on track - but then comes a time you have
to let go and let fly.

what else
i am not afraid for little tom
he's 17 but i am not afraid for him
afraid the world might come barging into
his life and he may not know how to meander
his way around - maybe
that afraid i am not worried about.

security
i don't think i would like to lose my house
but if i did
it would bother me a little bit
but i don't have to worry about it
because i have a pension
and i can always find a room
to live in
in fact i can picture it.
a room
something like my office
it has
a computer
a bed
a table and a chair
and a vase with beautiful flowers

it has a comfortable chair
where i do my readings
where i do my meditations
i am quite happy here

i know i will always be here for johnny
no matter where his mind takes him
i will be here for that

i watched mama mia last night
it was sooo good
i cried
i laughed
been a long time
two for one

i wanted to get up and dance
i was really moved

i want to write my stories
beginnings
middle
and ends.