three things that changed my life

1)just recently letting Michael go
wishing him love that he would find
in his life - never thought i could do
that as it was always about me and what
i lost.

i was thinking about it the other day
he was hurt too when i went in the convent
i hurt him and i was just thinking of what i
wanted i didn't really enter into his hurt.

2) biggest thing was leaving the convent
lost god, lost who i was, and it wasn't
probably leaving the convent, it was losing
god. lost my identity as it was wrapped up in
god. for eight years wandered around in loneliness,
dismay and self pity - no, not even self pity there
wasn't anything to pity. i was just completely
utterly lost.
i hurt for michael - but i also lost my get up and go
my striving, my ambition, my sexuality, everything.


married tommy's father who i did not love, but said
what the hell it doesn't matter.

gradually started to wake up after i had my son, tommy,
came out of myself and started looking at life again.

my life is divided into infant to 19 years of age
19 to 22 years
22 years to 30 years
30 years to the present.

what i am working on now
really my meditations
why i dislike jc so much
i really don't dislike him
i just don't want to be bothered by him.

my sexuality seems to sometimes nudge me lately
i am getting different feelings of aliveness.

i am going to stop now
and think about this some more.