today is september 29th
my first day of official retirement
went to social security and spent
three hours there to hand in john
and my medicare forms so we can get
on to A. as of 11-1 we are officially
on A and B. the woman said congrautlations
on my retirement.

tried to sign my time card on the computer
this morning but they already booted me out,
imagine that.

called the help number - said there was nothing
he could do to help me - i had to call human resources
in albany - i had been officially given the boot. he
said congratulations too - WOW. everyone is so happy
for me.

anyway it's 6:15 and I am sitting in the jefferson
library on wednesday and it is empty - so I think
this is a good time to come here.

maybe i can come twice a day in the a.m.
and p.m. tomorrow i'll check out the morning and
see if the computers are free for me to work on.

The young woman picked up the magazine and
glanced at the cover. her mind was somewhere else,
but she looked again at the cover. they were a bunch
of lilacs all hues of purple and full green leaves
wove their way through the arrangement.

melanie could almost smell them.
the flowers were sitting on a wooden bench
haphazardly put together in a glass bottle with a
round neck three inches wide.

in her mind's eye she reached down
and picked up the vase and held it up to the
sunlight. shards of light beamed through the
colors of purple and created a picture of a
young girl of 13 in a yellow, light cotton dress
with a huge ribbon that encircled her waist and tied at
the back in one big bow. two ribbons fell from the bow
and reached the hem of her dress which flared out two inches
below her knee.

the girl was laughing
and singing to the vase
her head went to the right and then to the left
red curls fell to her neck and she started to sing
and tap her foot and then she was turing in a circle

the girl and the vase
the girl and the vase

the girl and the vase and the flowers

soon they were a whir

her mother looked from the porch of the white
clapboard house

and she thought she saw a small tornado
in the field.

a frown crossed her face.

melanie, she thought, where are you.

she called her name softly
and then Molly looked
to her left and then to her
right to see if she could see her daughter
she scanned the horizon

Melanie was nowhere to be seen
Melanie, she murmured.

Molly frowned.
where was that girl.

Molly looked straight ahead to the hills
in front of her and she peered a little closer.
she squinted her brown eyes and
shaded her eyes with her left hand

she thought she could make Melanie out
standing by the high fence that separated
the two properties, the ryans and the flynns.

Molly shook her head from side to side.

the young girl was coming closer
she saw that meghan didn't have her boots on
but was dressed in her sunday church going patent leather shoes
and trim white socks
Melanie loved those shoes.

her mtoher saw that she carrying a bunch of lilacs
"hmm, she must have picked them from the field on the other side
of the large hill where her neighbors the Ryans lived.

that yonder field was just full of lilacs.
she remembered when she was a young girl
and she and jake used to go there and she would
meet him in the evening when their chores were done
and their parents were either playing checkers or
reading one of the farm gazette magazines.

on those summer nights her and jake would meet in the
far meadow, hold hands and run through
the field to the other side of the hill
they would lay in
the grass and look at the stars and plan their
future all in the perfume of the smell of lilacs.

molly loved those flowers.
every time jake came to the house he came with a
boquet.

she remembered one time he came to the house with a tiny box in his
hand and a mischievous grin on his face

"Why Jake Ryan, what have you got there?"

"That's for me to know, and for you to find out."

she had run around the table after him and
he had bolted out the front door
with her right behind him

they had run a half mile
when jake suddenly stopped
and she had caught up with him.

"why jake ryan, I never. what is wrong
with you. making me run over these fields
like I had nothing better to do."

he had a grin on his face and he just stuck
out his hand and gave the box to Melanie.
"oh, jake, she squealed, what is it?"

she opened the box which fit in the palm of her
hand and when she opened it there was the tiniest
petals from a lilac flower encased in a glass pendant
hanging from a tiny thread of a gold chain.

she wore it always from then until -

Meghan was close enough for her mother to call out
to her so that she would hear.

"Meghan," Molly mouthed her daughter's name

"Yes, ma," replied the young girl.

"Come here, girl, it is getting late."

"Yes, ma."

Molly blinked her eyes and looked out at the
field. all she could see was this small dustbowl
of wind howling down the road.

soon the wind died and all that was left
was the smell of lilacs in the air.

"Meghan," she breathed where are you.

"Ma, I am right here. Can't you see me.
I am right here, in the sky, in the wind,
in the smell of the lilacs."

Molly closed her eyes and inhaled the perfume.
it was everywhere.

She opened her eyes and
she was 18. she and jake were lying in the tall
grass hidden from view.

"Jake, what are we going to do?"

twenty year old Jake Ryan looked at the girl at his
side.
Blue steel eyes full of concern met Molly's fearful
brown eyes.

"Molly, it's all right. You'll see."

"But Molly couldn't be calmed. when she spoke her lower lip
quivered, Jake, how is it all right? What will people
say? What will my mom say?"

"Molly, listen, I'll talk to my dad. I'll see
if I can get a job in the bank (mine, hardware store, gas station)
it will be all right."

Every time Jake talked he always seemed to make things all right.
Molly lay in his arms contened for the moment. the fear ozzed out of
her. she closed her eyes and it even
seemed that everythng would be all right. that she wasn't two
months pregnant. that she wasn't having a baby. that her and
jake would go away to college and get married later.

Jake kissed her ear and then nuzzled his nose against her cheek.

the smell of lilacs was in the air and molly fell asleep.